Children’s Sleep Project

Because we all need a good night’s rest.

Falling Asleep Not Always Peaceful

May 11, 2008 By: Kathy Category: coping, Toddlers

When I put the Dragon down for nap or bedtime, he often spends a lot of time arranging himself on the bed, collecting the stuffed animals he needs, getting a drink of water, turning and tossing and turning some more, trying to find the right spot.

This all seemed logical to me from the get-go: I do similar things when I first get into bed as well. I adjust the pillows, straighten out my t-shirt, maybe jump up again for a quick drink of water or to make sure the back door is locked. So I’ve been pretty tolerant of the Dragon’s adjustment needs overall. Going to sleep is a transition, and transitions take time and attending-to.

But the Dragon does a couple other things that, for a long time, drove me batty. First, he whispers to himself. It’s a kind of under-the-breath whisper, fast and rambling, and I can’t usually tell what he’s saying. Second, he doesn’t just toss and turn; he actually kicks his feet against the bed and wall repeatedly.

I used to get mad. I used to say sternly — sometimes through clenched teeth, sometimes louder than polite — “Stop kicking! Stop talking! Keep quiet! Keep still! Close! Your! Eyes! Go! To! Sleep!

This tactic definitely quieted and stilled our child, but it didn’t help him go to sleep. He’d lie there in the semi-dark, eyes wide and shamed, while I stabbed myself with guilt. A wide gulf lay between us. After ten, 20, 60 more minutes, he’d finally drift off. I’d sneak away and come running back in guilt the next time I heard him cry out.

One night, after it was Alan’s turn to manage bedtime, he emerged from our son’s room contented and kind of amused. “I just let him kick,” he said. “He just needed to kick. He must have had some extra energy.”

It seemed to obvious, then. Of course. He wasn’t kicking the walls or mumbling under his breath to stay awake. He was doing it to process his day, to move the unspent energy through his body so he could settle into sleep much better. He was actually trying to comply with my wishes but got confused and hurt when I wouldn’t let him.

I’m trying to find a study I once came across that said introverts tend to need more time to fall asleep than extraverts. As I recall, it’s because introverts get their energy internally, so lights-out in the bedroom doesn’t automatically lead to lights-out in the brain. I can see this in the Dragon: He’s not completely introverted, but enough so that this may be the case with him. And it’s not the only reason he has trouble sleeping, but perhaps one of the clues to our struggle over the last 2 1/2 years.

If anyone has seen this study, please send me the link! Thanks.

Share